Tell Me A Story: NEVER Let Manfred Read "Twilight"

Edward Cullen

Edward Cullen (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Manfred Bloor was a bully and everyone knew it. He had been rickrolled and made to wear an embarrassing Star Trek costume. But what he did next will blow your mind…

Olivia and Louise were fighting over Twilight. Or it was more like this…

Olivia: TEAM EDWARD!!!
Louise: TEAM JACOB!!!

Most of the girls in Bloor’s were taking sides. So far, Emma and Addie sided with Olivia while Dorcasand the twins sided with Louise. But there were the boys, who were feeling stupid because of one little line:

“Why can’t you be more like Edward? (Jacob)?”

Manfred frowned; he didn’t particularly care anything about Twilight at all. But the book fell into his hands when a girl carelessly left her copy in the theater cafeteria…

Charlie and Billy were searching for the book they had secretly stolen from a girl who made fun of Billy. Billy said, “If we don’t find that book, Mildred‘s gonna have our heads!”

“I thought she hated Twilight,” Charlie said, “so why would she care if we stole the book?”

“Do you want us to get in trouble with your aunt?” cried Billy. “When last I checked she’s a big fan of Twilight as well.”

“Good point,” said Charlie. “Now let’s go find that book.”

Manfred frowned as he read the book. How can such a nice guy like Edward Cullen exist he thought to himself. And why do all the girls seem to like him? Am I really such a bully? He knew he never should have touched that book in the first place, as he was beginning to feel inadequate and insecure about himself.

Just then, he heard knock at his office door. He frowned, knowing who it was. Charlie Bone and Billy Raven. The thorns in his side.

“Uh, Manfred?” Charlie asked.

“What?” Manfred snapped.

“Have you seen our book?” Charlie asked again.

“What book?” Manfred yelled.

“It’s black and it has a picture of two hands holding an apple on it,” said Billy.

“Like this one?” Manfred said as he held up TWILIGHT THE BOOK.

“Oh crap, we’re in big trouble,” Charlie and Billy muttered to each other.

“You know you’re in big trouble,” Manfred yelled. “And this time, I’m gonna…” but then he stopped. This isn’t what Edward Cullen would do, now would it Manfred thought to himself. But the boys still need to be punished. But how shall I punish them now?

He then said, “You boys *like* Twilight, don’t you?” Charlie and Billy nodded nervously. “Well, I have a perfect little punishment for you two…”

Needless to say, everyone in Bloor’s was shocked to see a much nicer Manfred. But that didn’t mean he let Charlie and Billy escape from their punishment; he forced the poor boys to read Twilight to Ezekiel every night, and the old man laughed as the boys tried to make sense of the deadliest love story in the world.

Not to be outdone by Manfred, Asa walked into the school the next week wearing nothing but a pair of cut-off shorts. “Hi,” he said, “I’m Jacob Black. I turn into a wolf and I like to run around without my shirt on.”

30% of the entire female population at Bloor’s fainted upon seeing Asa.

And that is another story.

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