What NOT to do in Bloor’s

Midnight for Charlie BoneImage via Wikipedia

(NOTE: I did not make these up, but they’re all funny stuff that you don’t do in Bloors)

Don’t say to Tancred, “Can you please bring out less wind and more sunshine?”

Don’t call Olivia Tonks. She’ll kill you.

Don’t tell Billy that he’ll never get a family.

Don’t ask Naren, “Hey, aren’t you suspossed to be at Bloor‘s?”

Don’t send Charlie a big box of porn and claim that Manfred sent it.

NEVER refer to Lysander as a African Englishman unless you want him to set his ancestors on you! (I once knew a guy who did that, and let’s just say that it wasn’t a happy ending for him.)

Never tell Manfred that Charlie likes him; or tell Charlie that Manfred likes him. (yelling at Harry, who is apparently breaking that rule by writing a very naughty fanfic about Charlie and Manfred: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT??? A SLASH FANFIC WITH CHARLIE AND MANFRED??? HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU NO SLASH???)

Don’t tell Emma that all aunts are mean. She’ll turn into a bird and peck your eyes out.

And most of all, NEVER, EVER, EVER refer to the Children of the Red King as muggles. They’re not. Seriously.

don’t send the Children of the Red King to Hogwarts and say that the Bloors don’t want them around anymore.

Don’t spy on them and publish their secret lives on the Charlie Bone Forum!

don’t wear any piece of clothing that Venetia has made for you; unless you wish to die a horrible painful death, of course!

Don’t send Billy Raven to the Weasleys and tell him they want to adopt him.

Don’t tell Dr. Bloor that you want to turn Bloor’s into a poor rendition of “High School Musical.”

Don’t write slash stories centering on Manfred and Charlie and put them on fanfiction.net.

DON’T send Charlie to Hogwarts and tell him that he’s been banned from attending Bloors.

Don’t give Gabriel Dudley’s old clothes.

Don’t write Charlie/Manfred slash stories and show them to everyone at Bloor’s (even though 99% of them will think they’re funny!)

Don’t tell Amy that Lyell and Titania have a secret love child (did you see that one in my story even though I haven’t actually wrote it yet? DISTURBING!)

Don’t tell Olivia that Charlie loves Manfred.

Don’t tell Ezekiel to do “Nakey Time.”

Don’t tell Tancred that Emma decided to hook up with Charlie.
Don’t tell Lysander that his girlfriend wants to hook up with Gabriel.
Don’t have Snape be ANYWHERE near Bloors at all!!!

Don’t let Harry come to Bloor’s (D’oh! Too late!)

Do not stage a werewolf fight with Lupin and Asa.

Don’t even think about pairing Malfoy and Manfred together!

Don’t start a harry potter vs charlie bone wand fight…(though I wonder who would win)

Comparing Sirius Black to Paton Yewbeam is a BAD IDEA!!!

Don’t tell Dr. Bloor that his wife went back into time just to marry a Yewbeam (Uh oh…that would mean Paton isnt single…dont tell julia that either..lol

Don’t set Charlie up with Ginny Weasley.

Slash stories involving Tanc and Lysander are a big NO-NO!!!

And also, nix on any slash stories with Manfred and Asa in them!

Don’t let the Bloors adopt Harry (D’oh! Too late again!)

Having Ezekiel battle Dumbledore is EPIC FAIL!!!

Don’t set Hermione up with either Lysander, Tanc, Gabriel, Charlie, Manfred, or Asa unless you want Ron to kill you!

DON’T set Ron up with Olivia, Emma, or Naren unless you want Hermione to unleash her canaries on you!

dont tell olivia that theres such a place called hogwarts…you wouldnt want her to meet luna would u

Nix on sending Luna to Bloors; she’ll drive the Bloors off the deep end!

dont tell hermine about bloors cause ron will miss her terribly

u sure luna wont get along with dagbert? I’d think they would be perfect

Don’t tell Harry about Bloor’s; he’ll run away and not go back to Hogwarts (D’OH, it’s already been done!)

dont tell malfoy (SP?) that theres a manfred out there…he’d still be the loser no matter what…but Malfoy will always win being the hottest ever lol

Anyway, sending Tonks to Bloors and setting her up with Manfred is EPIC FAIL!!!

Don’t leave Ezekiel at the Dursleys.

Setting Fred and George loose in Bloors is TOTAL EPIC FAIL!!! (Hey why not set up fred and george with emma and olivia….it would at least get charlie and tanc jealous to actually relize what they had…but never took action lol 😛 then some real action would happen)

Writing the final Charlie Bone book in the style of Deathly Hallows is EPIC FAIL ALL-OUT!!!

Don’t try setting McGonagall up with Dr. Saltweather.

Sending the Children of the Red King to Hogwarts as exchange students is like COMPLETE EPIC FAIL!!!

Don’t even THINK about setting Snape up with Titania. Or Amy. Or Julia. Or Venetia. That would be EPIC FAIL!!!!

Having the Bloors face Voldemort and his Death Eaters is just COMPLETE EPIC FAIL!!!

Scabbers vs Rembrandt: who would win?

Oh, I know: Ix-nay on any fanfics pairing Harry with a guy from Charlie Bone!

DON’T under ANY circumstances call the Order of the Phoenix for help in dealing with the Bloors.

Don’t make Dagbert go up against Voldemort.

Anyway, EPIC FAIL is Lord Grimwald vs Lord Voldemort!

NEVER contact social services and send them to Bart’s house claiming that he has never sent Naren to school at all.

NEVER try to set Joshua and Dagbert with Inez and Idith. That’s just plain wrong!

When it’s sunny outside, don’t say, “Hey, looks like Tancred’s in a good mood today.”

Don’t let Dr. Bloor on this forum at all. Or Manfred. Or Matron. Or Weedon.

Pitting the Bloors against the Order of the Phoenix is just a very bad idea (although it would be pretty funny if it actually happened!).

Don’t tell Julia to choose between Paton and Snape..she might choose the wrong guy

Don’t set Tonks up with Paton…Julia will get jealous.

Don’t tell Griselda that Paton is going to marry Julia despite everything she does; thought it might happen anyway.

Don’t get Emma to try and explain how she can turn into birds but isnt an animagus to Hermione.

Never set the Marauders loose in Bloor’s.

Nix on having Snape teach at Bloor’s.

Don’t get Trilwinny at Bloor…she’ll be an even more weirdo then the endowed kids lol

NEVER under any circumstances should Umbridge be around Bloors at all!!!

Don’t let Dumbledore near Bloor’s at all.

Sending Manfred to Hogwarts would be EPIC FAIL!!!

don’t tell charlie that there were others that know how to use a wand…in a place where it wasn’t rare…it would make him feel less special

Don’t give Gabriel any hand-me-down worn by Ron.

Don’t let Charlie ANYWHERE near moving pictures (you know the pictures move in the wizarding world)!

I can’t tell you how many times I heard this one: If a student at Bloor’s falls asleep in class, I will NOT take advantage of that fact and draw the DARK MARK on his/her arm!

Don’t send Manfred to Voldemort and make him join the Death Eaters.

Send Manfred to Hogwarts and place him in anything BUT Slytherin.

Do not call Billy a vampire because he is pale and has red eyes.

Don’t send Billy to the Cullens telling them to adopt him.

And while we’re at it, don’t persuade Dr. Bloor to give Manfred up to the Weasleys for adoption.
Manfred: I’m sick of your speckled mug Ron!
Ron: But Manny, It’s magic!

In fact, DON’T let Ezekiel be headmaster of Hogwarts!

Don’t even think about having the Bloors sent to Azkaban.

never let Charlie go anywhere near Hogwarts…(D’OH!) Already been done; in the Old Traditional Story of course!

And make sure to keep anyone named Maddy away from Charlie as well.

Don’t ask Harry if he has a thing for Manfred; or ask Manfred if he has a thing for Harry.

Don’t ask Hermine if she has a thing for Oliva (even though they got so much in common) or vs versa

Let’s continue by saying that it’s not a good idea to ask Ron if he has a thing for Fidelio and the other way around.

Don’t ship the following people:
Harry/Charlie
Ron/Billy
Hermione/Emma
Malfoy/Asa

Emma/Ginny
Hermine/Olivia
Ron/Gabe/Fido
Malfoy/ Dorcas
Harry/Billy
Harry/Ben
Manfred/Ron
Ginny/Dorcas
Fred + George/ the twins

Snape/Titania
Sirius/Amy
Lupin/Julia
Dumbledore/Ezekiel

snape/ julia
sirus/julia
sirus/cook
lupin/cook (well i could actually see that)
dumbledore/ matron
mcgonagal(sp)/dr. bloor
lyell/twilwinny(sp)
paton/ twilwinny(sp)

Wormtail/Titania
Dr. Bloor/Bellatrix
Ezekiel/ANYONE IN THE BOOK!!!

Also, don’t do the following to Manfred:
Send him to the Cullens.
Send him to the Weasleys.
Send him to Hogwarts (Ok, I said that already!)
Lock him and Charlie up in a closet.
Send him to Azkaban.
Send him to rehab.
Make him join Lord Voldemort.

don’t do the following to Emma:
Send her to the Malfoys
Send her to the Dudleys
Lock her in Ron’s closet
Dress her up as a doll bird and put her on a cake for Crabby and Goile(sp) to eat

don’t do the following to Emma:
Send her to the Malfoys
Send her to the Dudleys
Lock her in Ron’s closet
Dress her up as a doll bird and put her on a cake for Crabby and Goile(sp) to eat

Don’t do these to Ben:
Send him to Hogwarts
Make in be Hermines friend
Make him Harry’s practice wand partner
Dudley’s punchbag
Ron’s practice wand partner
Cho’s(sp) boyfriend…he wont have a chance with harry 😄

Don’t do these things to Billy:
Send him to the Dursleys
Make him work for Voldemort
Make him a spy for the Order of the Phoenix
Set him up with either Dobby, Kreacher, or Winky
Set him up with either Ginny or Luna

don’t make billy be close to a demetor..you don’t know what he might hear; but what if he was by lupin when he was in werewolf’s form? he would hear him..wouldn’t he be able to help lupin??!?!! but he might get eaten in the process 😄

Don’t do this to Fidelio:
Stick him in Ravenclaw.
Forbid him to play his violin
Tell him that his teacher is evil
Set him up with Hermione

don’t set hermine up with manfred or asa…not a good match

Don’t do this to Charlie:
Send him to Hogwarts
Set him up with either Ginny, Luna, or Cho
Set him up with Manfred
Give him detention with Professor Snape
Make him fight Voldemort

don’t even let him meet Harry, ron, or Hermine (ha, but the more he meets the more hogwarts he’ll get into and the less time he has to spend with Olivia becasue the girls over there are probably better then here…and he’ll completly side track olivia leaving her hanging XD. omg…well then forget about charlie forgeting everyone is going to fall for harry…emma and oliva leave their guys to fight over harry XD)

Also, it’s a bad idea having Harry getting adopted by the Yewbeams. Or the Bloors for that matter. (But old Ezekiel decides to adopt Harry anyway!)

Harry is eating lunch with Charlie and his friends when a howler shows up. The howler says: (in Mrs Weasley’s voice) HARRY JAMES POTTER, HOW DARE YOU RUN AWAY! I AM ABSOLUTELY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, YOUNG MAN!!!” Speaking of howlers, don’t convince Griselda to send Charlie a howler every time he misbehaves.

Don’t compare Charlie to Harry at all!!! Or even better: don’t send Charlie and Harry to fight each other’s battles.

Don’t write a fanfic story about how Manfred and Asa are in a gay relationship. Or Tancred and Lysander. Or Gabriel and Fidelio. Or even Charlie and Billy!

Don’t put Manfred & Charlie in a cupboard hoping they’ll kiss.

Don’t set Harry up with either Olivia or Emma. Also, don’t set Hermione up with Lysander, Tancred, Gabriel or Fidelio.

Don’t set Billy up with either Ginny or Luna.

It is a bad idea to tell Tancred he fights Dagbert in Shadow of Badlock unless you want him to blow you away!

Don’t tell Olivia she’s a Tonks wannabe

Don’t tell Charlie that he’s a Harry Potter wannabe.

Don’t get Mr.Boldova (A.K.A Samuel Sparks) to throw a handful of sparkling rocks and/or dust at Edward Cullen and then get him to run away yelling: “What you gonna do to me, Cullen? Sparkle me to death?!”

Don’t refer Gabriel as a Ron wannabe.

Don’t let Manfred onto this forum and read all the things we say about him; even though 99% of us girls thinks he’s hot!!!

Don’t call Zelda Dobinski a second rate Hermione.

Don’t call Billy a Collin Creevey wannabe

Don’t write gossip columns about everyone in Charlie Bone; wait, I meant DO!

Don’t say that Bloor’s is a Hogwarts wannabe.

Don’t refer the Yewbeams as Dursley wannabes; although I don’t know why I said that.

Don’t go and take pictures of Manfred’s Hello Kitty room and post them all over the school. That’ll get you a detention like Bert, Alex, Lexi, Moon and Jacquel.

Don’t make icons called “What Not to do at Bloor’s

Don’t try to set Olivia up with Edward Cullen.

Also, don’t tell Charlie that he’s a descendant of Borlath.

Don’t let Charlie be around the Cullens with a broken nose.

Don’t ever mix Bloors with James and Victoria from Twilight…no matter how attractive Victoria is to Paton and James to Julia 😄

Wait…don’t set CHARLIE up with Edward!

Bella/Manfred??? Edward would kill Manfred!

Charlie doesn’t go with Jacob, Emmett and not even Jasper!!!

Don’t have Billy get turned into a vampire just so he could be adopted by the Cullens.

Charlie/Rosalie
Olivia/Emmett
Emma/Jacob
Naren/Jasper
Lysander/Alice

Tancred/Alice
Lysander/Rosalie
Dorcas/Jasper
Inez/Emmett
Idith/Jacob

Don’t set Carlisle up with Julia and Esme up with Paton, even though you know you want too, :p!

Don’t tell Olivia that in the future she will be married to pale-skinned Edward.

Don’t tell Charlie that he’ll have to marry Rosalie.

Don’t tell emma that she’s stuck with Jasper or Emmet

Don’t tell Tancred that he’ll have to marry Alice

Don’t pair Manfred with Victoria, however.

Don’t pair Jacob with the following girls
Dorcas
Olivia
Emma
Naren
The Branko Twins

Or let’s torture Charlie by pairing him with
Alice
Rosalie
Bella
Victoria

Don’t allow Ezekiel to dance at your party wearing nothing but an Olympic swimmer’s Speedo swimsuit.

Don’t tell Dr. Bloor that Ezekiel is dancing at a party wearig nothing but the speedo swimsuit of some poor Olympic swimmer.

Don’t even think of calling Dr. Phil to resolve any of the Bloor’s/Yewbeam’s conflicts (even though it couldn’t hurt). Ditto Oprah. You can pretty much forget about Jerry Springer!

Don’t tell the lot that they must play Weakest Link…and whoever gets a question wrong is stuck with Ezekiel in a Speedo 😀

Don’t send Ezekiel (who’s still in the Speedo) to Hogwarts and make him dance at the Yule Ball.

Don’t let Charlie read the Charlie Bone Gossip Page.

And also, don’t let Ezekiel sing at your party wearing Hello Kitty pajamas which clearly belong to Manfred. Also, he does NOT get to wear a woman’s swimsuit. Nix on wearing robes like Dumbledore’s.

Right. And we all know not to let Ezekiel get near Dumbledore. Or Gandalf for that matter. No. Ezekiel eating candy and/or hanging out with teenagers and/or Hobbits is everyone’s worst nightmare. Also, Ezekiel doesn’t go to Narnia.

Don’t take Harry Potter’s Hogwarts uniform to give to Gabriel. *my scar’s burning*

Or even better, don’t let Charlie get kidnapped by either the Cullens or Death Eaters.

Don’t provoke the Volturi and blame Manfred.

Don’t lock Asa, Lupin, Sirius and the Twilight werewolves in a tiny room while they’re in their canine forms and make them fight and when asked about this don’t shake your head sadly and say “It’s a dog eat dog world

Dont tell Charlie hes related to Harry potter through Mathonwy.

Dont let the Cullens go to Bloors with the excuse being that their endowment is super human abilities, seeing the future, mindreading and moodchanging and shielding.

don’t sue the Freadwardbobertmc’hammerhimesmitopolis Post for writing stories that are mainly about Charlie Bone. Also, don’t flood the Freadwardbobertmc’hammerhimesmitopolis Post with mail saying that you hate Charlie Bone. Also, don’t hire any reporters who mock anyone in Charlie Bone.

Don’t send Charlie to Forks and say that he can’t return until Billy gets his inheiritance.

don’t post any articles in the Freadwardbobertmc’hammerhimesmitopolis Post claiming that Ezekiel is faking his paralysis.

Don’t let Charlie have a MySpace page. Ditto Facebook profile.

Don’t film Manfred getting hit by water balloons and post it on YouTube.

Don’t let Charlie anywhere near the fanfictions which indulge in Manfred and Charlie relationships. Oh yeah…also, DON’T write any slash fanfictions about Charlie and Manfred and put them on the Charlie Bone Gossip Page.

NEVER give out copies of the Charlie Bone Gossip Page to the Yewbeams.

Don’t tell Olivia that there’s Manfred/Charlie slash fics floating around on the Internet. Along the lines of that, don’t show Olivia any fanfics pairing Charlie with Naren.

Don’t tell Olivia that if she keeps scaring people with her illusions, Dr. Bloor will haul her off to a mental institution.

Don’t tell Olivia that Joshua has a crush on her. Dont tell Charlie Olivia has a crush on Josh because of his Animal Magnetism; Or even better: don’t show Charlie any Olivia/Joshua fanfics.

Don’t let Ezekiel into a Star Trek convention wearing a Star Trek jumpsuit.

Don’t draw pictures of Manfred getting rickroll’d and post them on the Internet!

don’t send Manfred to those three evil vampires in “Twilight” (and I DON’T mean the Volturi!)

Don’t go up to Manfred, look him in they eye, say “I a hypnotist too, watch!”, stare at him for a long time only to foreheadpalm him and say “Coulda had a V-8!”

Don’t send Asa to La Push and claim that he’s a shape shifter like the wolves.

Don’t write on Manfred’s yearbook: Manfred! You got rick’rolled!!! Also, don’t rickroll any of the other villains in Charlie Bone.

Don’t write stories in the Charlie Bone Gossip Page about Manfred being a huge fan of Hello Kitty. And don’t tell Charlie Bone that Manfred secretly loves Hello Kitty at that. And he wears Hello Kitty pajamas to bed every night.

Don’t tell Manfred that he’s going to run away in the final Charlie Bone book.

Anyway, nix on Manfred going to Paris. (Already been done!)

Also, don’t start a Paton Belongs With Giselle fanclub at all.

Don’t write letters from Charlie Bone saying that he’ll hold all your books ransomed until the Charlie Bone movie comes out.

When a battle between the good and bad endowed is about to happen, don’t have the police come up and arrest all the bad guys. (I got this idea from Monty Python & the Holy Grail, where King Arthur and the Knights got arrested for disturbing the peace of all England.) Also, don’t repeat any Monty Python-like insults to the bad guys and/or call the police and have them arrested for “disturbing the peace of Freadwardmc’hammerhimesmitopolis” and then blame Manfred for calling the police.

Don’t compare the evil endowed to Death Eaters and/or Volturi.

Don’t try to compare Manfred to Zuko. Or Edward. Or Malfoy. In fact, don’t compare him to any bad boy in fiction.

NEVER start a Charlie Bone blog and write slash stories about Charlie and Manfred in it.

Also, don’t tell Manfred what happens to him in the last book!

Don’t tell Manfred Asa has the Holy Hand Grenade and he will use it on the bad guys.

Never let Ezekiel see New Moon and let him run around shirtless…the Jacob fans will not like that.

Never let Ezekiel sing any song featured in New Moon.

In fact, don’t let Ezekiel near anything relating to New Moon at all.

Also, don’t write any spoofs of Charlie Bone at all!
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